i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
