someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize