I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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