I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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