For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
