Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
