My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
