Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
