did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
