Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
