Betty ford says i'm here all night
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
