I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize