i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
