Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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