just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
