Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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