apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
