Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My feet surprised me
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