Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
