I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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