So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
