Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
