i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
