Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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