i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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