I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
