My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he thought i was a dude.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
