Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
