please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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