Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
