I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize