Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
