Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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