For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We have so much sex to catch up on
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
