I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I didn't notice because vodka
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
