I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
