She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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