you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
