marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i think my tv is drunk
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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