Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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