i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
