I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
