Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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