I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Randomize
