broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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