i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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