we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
should my penis look like a turkey
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
