I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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