if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
