I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
