I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
