come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
