Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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