How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
