You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
