Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize