saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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