and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize