sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
