the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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