I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
