Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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