So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
