SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
