Non-Jews are for practice
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
