then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize