$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
