Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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