chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
