I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
